
This hesitation to take itself seriously carries over into TABS’ mechanics, which are about as strategy-lite as you can get. Yep, I said mammoths.Īdding to the roster are lute-toting bards, jovial and seemingly unaware of the precariousness of the situation they’re in strongmen which use wheelbarrows to plough through enemy ranks like battering rams Viking longboats carried across land for some reason and hurled at the enemy and err, Zeus. Artillery and mammoths, on the other hand, obliterate most of the above. Spearmen and archers make short work of close-quarters infantry, while shieldbearers render the pointy bits of said ranged units useless. The classic rock-paper-scissors system still underpins everything. Not all genre conventions are out of the window in TABS. When conflict gets physical, often down to luck more than anything else, soldiers howl and tumble like demented ragdolls. Deploy your cartoonish units on the battleground and they’ll wobble towards the enemy, limbs flailing everywhere.

TABS, as I’m referring to it from now on to save my typing fingers, is a gleeful middle finger to a subgenre near academic in its authenticity. Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is no different, featuring meticulous strategy and realistic physics to accurately portray war throughout the ages.


From the sweeping battles of Total War to the complex diplomacy of Crusader Kings and the trench warfare of Company of Heroes, they’re brutal, high-brow and respectful of their history. Historic strategy games have generally had an air of seriousness about them.
